Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Sorority Girls and the Creature from Hell (1990)

How bad is it? It's about what you'd expect from the title - not good.
Should you see it? Sadly, no.


I think that most people see this for the same reason I did, that they like "Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama" and hope this is a sequel. Instead, they get a shot on 16mm largely bloodless slasher starring Deborah Dutch and Len Lesser (Uncle Leo on "Seinfeld"). A convict escapes, attacks our heroine who escapes, and then disappears. Then the girl and her friends, each more annoying than the last, go camping. The girl's uncle explores a cave for Native American artifacts and gets possessed by an extremely cheap-looking mask, gets extremely cheap-looking monster makeup and terrorizes the cast. Lesser, as a backwoodsman, comes to a firearm-toting monster hunt. This film has nothing (except skin): no plot, acting, direction, cinematography, lighting, sound, effects, characters to care about or action.

Monday, July 24, 2017

Sorceress (1995)

aka Temptress

How bad is it? Low budget supernatural thriller that works, despite itself.
Should you see it? Yes. Not because it's so-bad-it's-good, though.


This is why I still watch Jim Wynorski films. His first films were thoroughly enjoyable trash, but then he started grinding out boob films with nothing else going for them. Occasionally, when he tries, he manages a fun little film like this one. A woman (Julie Strain) helps her husband succeed by killing off anyone that stands in his way. Then it turns out one of those people (Linda Blair) is a witch and people start getting payback. There's a lot of bad 80's hair and fashion... and a lot of boobs - it is a Wynorski film, after all - but there's characters you care about, a plot and some action. Grab some popcorn, sit back and enjoy.

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Song of Norway (1970)

How bad is it? Marginal kitschy musical.
Should you see it? Is "pretty, but pretty dull" good enough for you?


It's been a while since I covered a film panned by the Medved brothers. This one is the life story of Edvard Grieg, shot mostly in Norway (in Cinerama, which doesn't hold up on a home screen) and featuring the music of Grieg - lots of it; 40-50 numbers of it, some repeated, about half with added lyrics from the operetta from which this was based. You know what Grieg's music didn't need? Lyrics. You know what Grieg's life didn't have? Dramatic tension. Nothing happens; Grieg's early struggles were minimal and you know historically he succeeds and you can tell why because you're listening to his music. Grieg is played by an untalented nobody who's also the wrong age. Florence Henderson, Robert Morley, Edward G. Robinson and Oskar Homolka and other miscast actors make you wonder who cast this dreck. It's pretty, it's syrupy, it's tedious.

Saturday, July 22, 2017

Soldier Boyz (1995)

How bad is it? One of the worst-written soldier pics.
Should you see it? No.


Imagine "The Dirty Dozen" written by the guy who wrote "Big Momma's House" and starring Michael Dudikoff; that's actually what this is! Once again, some bigshot's daughter is kidnapped and a ragtag group is assembled to rescue her. This time the team, taken from prison, is a rapist and a psychopathic woman, a skinhead (with a swastika tattoo that was obviously hand-drawn magic marker) and minorities that don't get along... and all want to kill the retired army major (Dudikoff) - pretty much the worst team one could assemble (also, none have any training, but that gets taken care of in one day). No one, good or bad, uses weaponry that makes any sense, nor do they use them properly. No one acts in a way consistent with their established stereotype character (to be fair, they're supposed to have grown as people in this time). All of this could've made for a laughable film, but it's just tiresome.


Friday, July 21, 2017

Social Intercourse (1998)

How bad is it? Dull and annoying.
Should you see it? No.


Okay: this film was made in a bit more than a week for about $15000 and looks it, but that's not the problem. The plot is about a guy who loses his girlfriend, is forced to go to a party, meets his old flame and acts reprehensibly and then apologizes. None of the characters is likeable and none of the interactions feel natural. The dialogue is over-written for the characters and not enlightening on its own. It might even be trying to be pretentious. Let's call it a student film and be done with it.

Thursday, July 20, 2017

Solarforce (1995)

aka Lunarcop, aka Solar Force, aka Astrocop, aka Lunar Cop

How bad is it? Typical low budget Road Warrior clone.
Should you see it? I say no - but it does have a following, who think it good.


First of all, all of the various titles are misleading, as while the cop does indeed come from the moon, he comes to Earth 5 minutes into the film. The moon base is especially cheap - so ludicrous a model that one hopes (futilely) that the rest of the film will be as shoddy. This was directed by the same guy who did "X-Ray," "Dutch Treat," "Going Bananas" and "American Cyborg: Steel Warrior," all of which were just barely good enough not to be included on this blog; this one came close. Michael Pare' stars - his brother wrote the script - and Billy Drago plays the heavy. The story has those on the moon having come up with an antidote to the plague that's destroyed the Earth; our hero comes to Earth, finds that there are inhabitants farming and being harassed by a motorcycle gang and he falls in love. The film just forgets the whole original premise for an hour. The love interest isn't what he thinks, the Bad guys turn out to be the moon people trying to get the Lunarcop to do their dirty work, there's unlimited motorcycle stunts and there's an ending that's actually rather interesting. At any rate, it doesn't qualify as so-bad-it's-good, just underwhelming.

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Shotgun (1989)

How bad is it? It may be the worst cop action film. Really!
Should you see it? If you like bad films, this one's a solid pick, so yes.


PM Entertainment made a bunch of action films, probably all in the same week, and they're all crap, but this one has a bit of a following. It's essentially a low-rent "Lethal Weapon" about a cop whose hooker sister gets murdered, so he and his mismatched partner go after the bad guy and go off the book - yes, it hits every possible cliche. The acting is phenomenally weak, particularly by the lead, particularly in his drunk scene. The dialog is so clunky it sometimes causes laughter. The plot has its flaws as well - for example, there are no repercussions for a cop just killing everyone in his path. And there's the intrusive heavy metal guitar riffs. And the poor direction: in an early scene, a guy leaves a bedroom, a guy then enters wearing S&M gear and it's a different guy, but it takes forever for you to figure that out, because it could be the first guy and there's no reason for it to be anyone else. Th unintended laughs aren't frequent, but there's enough action to keep your attention between them.