Sunday, November 19, 2017

Vibrations (1996)

How bad is it? Weird cliched implausible melodrama.
Should you see it? This has developed a cult, so I'll say yes.

Guy (James Marshall) loses his hands in a fight with rednecks, becomes a drunk, sleeps it off where a rave's happening and a girl (Christina Applegate) invites him home, in the first improbable moment of a million. Her friends, robotics wizards - of course - create new hands for him; the rubber flesh hands are distractingly hilarious, the metallic ones lead to a new career as a DJ who's supposedly an android. There's a lot, and I mean a lot, of early 1990's techno music by bands that were huge in that tiny niche for a moment and unknown outside it. There's a subplot with a cop dad that's a real headscratcher. Nary a cliche was overlooked, no plot too improbable was overlooked, and it's all overplayed, except by Marshall, who has so few expressions that he might just be an android.

Saturday, November 18, 2017

Viktor (2014)

How bad is it? Failed crime film.
Should you see it? No.

Gerard Depardieu and Elizabeth Hurley star in this noir-ish film about a man seeking revenge for the death of his son. It's well-shot, but extremely sluggish, with no chemistry between the romantic leads (who are both past the age for this - Depardieu in his late 60's) and some unintentional humor in seeing people obviously reading their lines and speaking pho-net-i-call-y, as only the main cast speak English as a first language. The worst bit is that the star doesn't even go after the bad guys, he sends others to do it.

Friday, November 17, 2017

10 Rules for Sleeping Around (2014)

How bad is it? 0% on Rotten Tomatoes, 1 on Metacritic.
Should you see it? NO.

The less said about this "comedy," the better. A couple sees if infidelity can help their marriage. It doesn't.

Thursday, November 16, 2017

That's What She Said (2012)

How bad is it? I hated it.
Should you see it? No.

"Bridesmaids" was a guy film (like "The Hangover") done with women and a lot of people liked it. I did not; Kristen Wiig, who I usually hate was actually good and Ellie Kemper is always good, but the film irritated me. So - that said, this is a bad "Bridesmaids" clone starring Anne Heche. I'm just not the audience for this. I don't think there is an audience for this. I hope there isn't an audience for this. The plot: three women mismanage relationships while being gross; there are dildos falling from purses, public yeast infection scratchings and... not one funny joke.

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Teddy Bears' Picnic (2002)

How bad is it? Meandering satire.
Should you see it? No. The cast is intriguing, however.

Written, directed and produced by Harry Shearer (who also gave himself a cameo and did background voices and composed songs), this has a HUGE cast including: John Michael Higgins, Ming-Na (Wen), Henry Gibson, David Rasche, Brenda Strong, Morgan Fairchild, Michael McKean, Alan Thicke, George Wendt, Bob Einstein, John O'Hurley, Howard Hesseman, Fred Willard, Annabelle Gurwitch, Peter Marshall, Kurtwood Smith, Larry Miller and some sportscasters such as Dick Butkus and Jim Nance. Now, if you're thinking "aren't those TV actors?" you may see the problem - this is a 10 minute TV sketch stretched to 90 minutes. The story has the elite of the elite meeting at a retreat and the intrigues and complications that come with that. Much of it is improvised; little of it is funny.

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Top Dog (1995)

How bad is it? It's a Chuck Norris comedy. Yeah, you read that right.
Should you see it? No.

This film had been done better as "Turner and Hooch," so what was the idea - to give Chuck Norris' brother another directorial credit? The film is about a police officer who has a dog attached to him, though he dislikes dogs. The dog not only sniffs out bombs and drugs, but in one scene even sniffs out a hidden switch, with no explanation of how that's possible. The major problem with the film is that it's aimed at kids, being filled with lovable dog antics, but the story-line involves bigotry, assassination and more weapons fired than in any PG-13 film I'd ever seen - and it has surly Norris doing very little martial arts, not as well as he used to, and with an obvious body double in much of it. The intended jokes don't work, as these are not comedic actors and Norris can't play straight-man.

Monday, November 13, 2017

The Zero Boys (1986)

How bad is it? Amateurish mishmash of genres. Not terrible.
Should you see it? Yes. It's entertaining and has developed a cult.

This got a Blu-Ray release; that fact by itself puts this film ahead of most things I review, though it does make the fog machines more obvious. The film starts off looking like something it's not and you eventually find out you've been watching a paintball game. Then the winners and their girlfriends and a girl won from the losing team head into the woods where they find a secluded cabin... and it becomes a "cabin in the woods" film, where two guys who make snuff films and happen to be cannibals hunt our young stars. The six heroes just happen to have access to automatic weapons - the first groaner of a mistake the film makes. There's no gore or sex and most of the standard tropes of this kind of film are avoided, making it a bit of an oddity. The ending is pretty bad and the bad guys, once seen, don't seem like what you'd expect. The only name in the cast is Kelli Maroney, who seemed to be in a lot of films in 1986.