Monday, April 9, 2018

I Am Here.... Now (2009)


Plunging necklines and dolls in strollers.

By the time Neil Breen made this movie (writing, directing, producing and starring), he was getting a bit more proficient technically, but his plots stayed bizarre. He plays an alien who comes to Earth in what looks like a giant paperweight and who created humanity as an experiment; he is not happy with the result. He's also maybe Christ, as he has stigmata, and he may be a cyborg, as he has computer circuitry glued to him; sometimes he wears a monster mask. That's pretty "Breensian." There are long tracking shots of desert with doll heads and stock footage of dolphins. There are twin environmental activists that are also prostitutes and they really like spaghetti straps and not buttoning their blouses. There's a man in a wheelchair whose lifelong ambition is to see the "Welcome to Las Vegas" sign. There's bleeding from eyes and a sextuple crucifixion. Mostly, though, there's long painful monotone expositions, sometimes in voice-over and "meaningful" shots of things that don't mean anything. Pro tip: if you're trying to find information on this film, the four dots in the title's ellipsis is crucial.

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